Dear Filly

Dear Filly: ‘Me and this girl are going on a trip…’

Dear Filly,

    Me and this girl are going on a trip together for school. We’ve been getting together off and on for a bit now, but nothing too serious. I think during this trip something will happen but I don’t know if the feelings are reciprocated. What should I do? Is this even the best time to do it? Please help.

Sincerely,

Anonymous

 

 

Dear Anonymous,

     Dealing with your love life in college can be a mess, and this is no exception. Even when things seem casual, feelings can develop, and make everything more confusing.

     You asked if this was the best time to try and take things a step further, and the answer is probably not. If you don’t know if the feelings are mutual, there is a chance that the rest of the trip will be awkward for you if you get shot down.

     Take time to have a conversation with her before or wait until after the trip, but don’t do it on the trip. And remember that it’s okay if she doesn’t feel the same way and isn’t ready for that next step.

Sincerely,

Filly

Dear Filly

Dear Filly: ‘I’m struggling to figure food out…’

Dear Filly,

I’m struggling to figure out what to do for food. I have a meal plan, but D-Hall food isn’t the best. I mean, everyone knows it by this point. Now, I have enough money to buy my own food, but it isn’t cost-effective to eat out all the time. I’m not really sure what to buy or where to buy it. Any suggestions?

Sincerely,

Starving Student

 

Dear

Starving Student,

What you’re experiencing is a common issue among college students. Several studies have shown that food insecurity is a major problem among students, and getting proper nutrition is a problem even for students who have access to meal plans.

For starters, cut back on eating out as much as possible. That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy Taco Bell or a frappuccino every now and then, but it’s important to focus on saving money.

The biggest cost saver? Learn to cook. It doesn’t have to be fancy, but knowing how to make food for yourself will save you a lot of money. No, Ramen doesn’t count.

A favorite of mine is to cook a box of Pasta-Roni (about a dollar at Wal-Mart) and cook some chicken (fairly inexpensive) or shrimp (a little pricey but better if frozen) and some vegetables, like broccoli, bell peppers or onions to go in it.

The internet is full of websites that cater to people cooking on a budget, and you can find lots of recipes there. There’s nothing wrong with some ramen or potato chips sometimes, but eating well will help you save money and take care of your body.

Sincerely,

Filly

Dear Filly

Dear Filly: ‘My roommate won’t flush the toilet…’

Dear Filly,

     My roommate is bad about not flushing the toilet. It’s really disgusting, especially when we have guests. I’ve talked to them about it, but they haven’t changed, and I don’t think it’s worth talking to the CA’s about. Is there anything I can do? Help!

Sincerely,

TroubledTammy

 

 

Dear TroubledTammy,

     It sounds like your roommate has a case of forgetfulness, bad habit or both, and a gross case too. If you haven’t approached them about the issue more than once, try once more to get through to them. Let them know that it’s nasty, for you to deal with and for any potential guests. Try taking a different approach from the first time you confronted them. If you were more relaxed when talking to them before, make it clear that it’s not okay for you this time around.

     If you aren’t willing to go to the CA’s about the problem, you might have to accept that you’ll be dealing with this crappy problem for the rest of the semester, and just remember to flush the toilet whenever this happens. It’s gross, but some people aren’t willing to let go of bad habits so easily.

Sincerely,

Filly

Dear Filly

Dear Filly: ‘How to deal with work drama?’

Dear Filly,

    How do I deal with a work environment that’s becoming toxic? I love my job and my coworkers, but lately, everyone has been two-faced.

    People are nice to each other’s faces, then trash each other behind their backs. Some people get away with saying hurtful things because no one cares enough to speak up. You can’t trust anyone because if you tell one person something, they immediately tell everyone else.

    I’m sick of feeling like I’m dealing with a bunch of high schoolers but I don’t know the best way to deal with the issue. Help!

-Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,

    It sounds like you need to talk to whoever is in charge. Are they aware of the issues? Because if not, letting them know what is going on could lead to some changes being made.

    If your boss is aware and isn’t stepping in to stop what’s going on, then it may be time to start searching for a new job.

    Toxic work environments are bad for your mental and emotional health and lead to more stress that will ultimately keep you from focusing on studies.

    If your coworkers are saying hurtful things, sometimes one person standing up to them can make a difference. Don’t be afraid to step up and speak up if someone is doing something wrong.

Sincerely,

Filly

Dear Filly

Dear Filly: ‘I’m tired of people walking all over me…’

Dear Filly,

     I’m tired of people walking all over me. The worst part is, I let them. I guess it’s not in my nature to be assertive with others. I envy those who can simply speak their minds freely, not caring who they upset, as long as they get their point across. While some may argue those kinds of people are often disliked jerks, the thing is, they don’t care what others think.

   I am so busy trying to please everyone that I put my own needs and comments to the side. If someone continues to say something I don’t like, I am not one to let it be known that I don’t like what they’re saying. I don’t stand up for myself unless it is necessary. I give into people’s requests when I don’t want to, and I find myself caught up in twisted situations that could have totally been avoided had I been direct in the first place!

    My question Filly is how do I work on being more assertive? Do I need to work on it? Am I fine just the way I am, or should I fix this about myself? I know I am strong inside, but I want to be able to show it on the outside too.

Sincerely,

Anonymous

 

Dear Anonymous,

    Right off the bat: You can be assertive without being a jerk everyone dislikes. I promise. It’s about balance. It’s one thing to speak your mind and not let people walk all over you, it’s another thing to just be rude and uncaring. One is an attractive quality that helps you avoid tricky situations that you don’t want to be in, the other makes everyone hate you.

    Should you work on being more assertive? Of course! You don’t have to be someone you’re not, but you can grow into someone who isn’t afraid to speak their mind. A good place to begin is by answering honestly when someone asks you a question. If you’re asked to do something that you’d rather not get caught up in, start saying so. If a friend asks you how you liked a movie, a food or a song, it’s okay to be honest if you absolutely hated it. Yeah, it can be scary, but start speaking up when someone is saying or doing something that you have a problem with. It is impossible to please everyone, and trying to make everyone happy will only make you miserable.

    You are an individual with thoughts, feelings, desires and a life to live, and you need to focus on yourself rather than on pleasing everyone. The people that matter will respect you for being assertive, and you’ll be able to grow even more as a person. Good luck.

Sincerely,

Filly