April Fools’ Day: Top Ten Things to Do On a First Date

asian couple drinking cocktails in cafe at night
Photo by Khoa Võ on Pexels.com
  1. Take your shoes off and prop your feet on the table. Men love dogs! If your feet smell like Fritos, he won’t mind because they’re a popular chip brand for a reason. Remember to take your socks off too. 
  1. Ask him if he wants to duel with you to assert dominance in the relationship. If you win, you automatically get to demand a second date with your newfound dominance. If he wins, block him, and never go on another date. You can never take an L this way.
  1. When the bill comes, crumple it up and put it in your mouth so no one must go through the awkwardness of deciding who will pay. You can eat it if you would like, but for legal reasons, that is not suggested. If the waiter brings out another bill, just pretend to go to the bathroom but leave and never come back.
  1. Lay across the table and take a nap; the longer, the better. He will realize how tired you were and would love to see how well-rested you are. After you wake up, just act like nothing happened to get back to the date ASAP. 
  1. Blow their phone up if they don’t text or call you after the date. If you have to send 100+ calls and texts, then do it! He will love that you’re taking the time out of your day to devote all your attention to him. If he never ends up answering, show up at his house. Men love independent women that will take the initiative! 
  1. Flirt with the waiter. Men love a little competition to establish dominance, and this is the perfect scenario for it! Here are a few suggestions for what to say to the waiter: 

“So…do you come here often?” 

“Would you like to pull up a chair and join us?” 

  1. Bring your pet and let it sit on the table. He will see your love for animals. If the animal tries to eat his food, even better! They will just make him even happier to be feeding a hungry animal. 
  1. If you lurked on their socials before, ask about what you saw! He will love that you were so interested in him that you know his address on Zillow, all his Venmo transactions, and every friend he’s had since middle school. 
  1. Being late will make him want you even more; never let a man know your first move. The longer you make him wait, the better! He will be anticipating how good you’re going to look. 
  1. Talk a mile a minute, and NEVER let him get a word in. He is on a date with you and wants to hear about you, which will make him even more eager to see your amazing conversational skills!

This article is an April Fools’ Day joke. Do not do these on a first date.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.