As a young woman on the internet, I saw the British Vogue article saying outright, “Having a boyfriend is embarrassing.” This article stirred up quite a few conversations around relationships for women, and how they have worked for us socially. Social status and romantic status have almost always been related; a single woman is someone to be either empowered by this singleness or sad about it. The article posits something new; that men have been bringing women down socially for a while, and now women aren’t proud of their relationships.
This flips the script; women have historically been the ones to share their relationships online and in person. Every woman has been victim to the woman who takes their boyfriend everywhere, even the girl’s night. We were all victim to the woman on Snapchat or Instagram that blasted her relationship everywhere. But now, that isn’t happening. Or it isn’t happening as often.
Rather than fully sharing a new relationship, women are sharing bits and pieces first. As the Vogue article said, we’re seeing backs of heads, bouquets of flowers in hands, pairs of shoes together, shadows and silhouettes. If you’ve been on the internet recently, you’ve likely seen a woman ‘soft launching’ her relationship.
It’s also not a secret among women that the dating pool virtually anywhere is less than ideal – which adds another stigma to being in a relationship. If you’re in one – is it one worth being in? And when you share that relationship, whether online or in person, are you accidentally othering yourself from the group of single women? Is it now boastful to talk about your relationship with a man, as a woman?
These are the kinds of questions the Vogue article is getting the audience to ask one another and themselves. Analyzing exactly how your relationship affects you socially is something women think about often – in discussions with my friends personally we talk about things like this. In entering a relationship with a man, a woman risks her social status and even social life to an extent.
For a long time, partnership for women was beneficial to status. Being married was tied to economic stability and growth, social status improved once you married, and it opened doors previously closed to women. Now, having a partner is becoming more of a risk to her own personal success than an asset. Socially, boyfriends are becoming isolating for women – those in healthy relationships are part of an outgroup, unhealthy relationships can isolate women from their friends, and some boyfriends invite themselves to every hangout with their partner, isolating their partner from the larger social group as well.
As the most autonomous women yet, the younger generations have no real gain from relationships outside of emotional stability and an additional income, if they find a man with a job. This has led to an almost generational decentralization of men – a lot of the women I have conversations with are not very interested in dating currently. A lot of us are open to relationships but are burning out of relationships with men because they aren’t emotionally fulfilling, and don’t bring positive things in other aspects of our lives. So why would we be proud and willing to share something that is potentially bringing us down socially and emotionally?