I personally cannot wait for summer. Not only am I ready to be free from early alarms and deadlines (at least outside of my online classes), but I’m also ready to sit with myself and relax. I also cannot wait for other people to take the summer to dig deep into themselves and do some serious self-reflection.
“Why do I need to self-reflect?” That question is, in itself, a symptom of a disease that can only be treated with self-reflection.
One issue I’ve noticed with a lot of folks is that they tend to take things personally even if what’s being said doesn’t necessarily or directly apply to them. That isn’t an issue in itself—what is an issue, though, is when those people get defensive in response rather than asking themselves, “Why do I feel called out by that comment, even though they didn’t even mention me?” That is the perfect opportunity for self-reflection, but too often people instead use it as an opportunity to defend their character or decisions.
Once I started asking myself that question in those moments, it was like a light came on for me. Instead of responding with indignation or frustration toward the other person, I asked myself where in my mind and body those feelings came from and did some real soul work and reflection.
Summer vacation can be a great time to do that for yourself.
Start by just talking to yourself. It’s difficult to be honest with yourself—especially when you’re feeling called out and vulnerable—when you don’t truly know yourself. What are your core values? How do you want to lead your life each day? What do you hope to give and gain each day? Spending quality time with yourself opens the door to a safe, familiar relationship with yourself.
Keeping a journal can also help with this process. Journaling allows you to get your thoughts on paper, making them more organized and easier to sift through, which can help you understand your thought processes. It can also ease anxiety, creating more peace and stillness in those moments when you find yourself frustrated or when you’re self-reflecting.
If you know yourself and are grounded in who you are, then you may not feel called out in the future. If someone says something that makes you feel that way, and you’re already certain of your own character, then your natural response may not be that of frustration or defense; instead, it may be of a contemplative reflection within yourself. You’ll no longer project your insecurities onto those around you, nor will you blame them for your own response.
Not only will self-reflection benefit yourself, but it will also benefit the people around you. When we get back to school in August, we’ll all be still freshly baked from the summer sun and trying to get the last bit of sand out of our shoes. But once classes kick off and get going, the stress will undoubtedly settle in. And how do most people respond to their own stress? Anger. Projection. Defensiveness. Then, not only do you feel bad, but the people around you feel bad because they feel responsible for your pain. And then everyone is stressed out!
So, for the sake of yourself and the people around you, create space to be with yourself this summer. Use this well-deserved time off to harness your own self-assuredness and practice leading with unadulterated curiosity and empathy. Return to school in August with a newfound (or upgraded!) sense of security and self-confidence.
I think we should all take summer break to engage in some deep self-reflection. The sun will be out, deadlines will be gone, and your time will feel much more like your own—so use that time to your advantage.