If you love first-person shooters, you’ve likely heard of the notorious “Duke Nukem Forever.” After a whopping twelve years in development with four different developers, everybody and their grandmother wasn’t happy with the game. Refunds were had, complaints filled the inbox of… uh… whichever developer deserved it, and it became highly avoided. The problem is: I don’t know what anyone’s talking about. After playing this, it’s apparent that “Duke Nukem Forever” is the best thing since sliced bread.
“Duke Nukem Forever” has a compelling story: Duke Nukem has to kill aliens that are invading the Earth. The narrative is very underrated, and it’s hard to pinpoint why. It’s easy to understand, it’s 100% original, and it lacks complicated lore that spawns cringe-worthy fandoms.
“Forever” is nostalgic by sticking to its guns. In “Duke Nukem 3D,” you could shoot aliens with guns, blow away aliens with firearms, and use weapons to kill aliens. “Forever” shakes up the formula: Now, you’re able to shoot aliens with weapons, blow away aliens with guns, and use firearms to kill aliens.
All guns from “3D” return, but the developers didn’t want Duke to accidentally hurt himself, so they lessened the damage that made the weapons highly lethal in “3D.” Remember: safety first.
To ensure Duke is even safer, he’s only allowed to carry two guns and has a regenerating health bar. Many may be upset at these changes, but sometimes we can’t have nice things, so you have to grow up.
Boss fights are cool, because nobody likes their boss. Each boss battle is what Duke claims to be “big,” “long,” and “hard” since the developers refuse to change his character’s sense of humor. No two bosses are reused whatsoever, because that would be lazy, and to prevent confusion with what two weapons you’re carrying, every boss is only vulnerable to explosives.
The greatest strength of “Duke Nukem Forever” is that it has what first-person shooter fans were hankering for: variety. Lots of imagination went into the game’s nonlinear structure of going from Point A to Point B, then quitting the game and going outside.
Levels are highly diverse in structure. Of course, you have your standard run-and-gun sections, but everything else is the icing on the cake.
Are you a fan of racing games? Great, you’ll love driving through the desert in Duke’s monster truck that can only drive four miles until it needs gas!
Do you adore turret sections? You’ll be doing a lot of sitting on a turret with infinite ammo, so boredom is impossible!
Want to do some platforming? “Duke Nukem Forever” will draw in fans of “Super Mario” with its stellar platforming sequences in places like kitchens or climbing down pipes in an elevator shaft.
Oh, and what’s a shooter without an underwater section? It has that too and as expected: Duke has to constantly find air to breathe since he can’t breathe underwater. As a reminder: safety first.
In terms of all the levels’ visuals: Nah, never mind, I don’t have to tell you anything.
Interactivity within levels is integral since “Duke Nukem 3D” made its world feel more alive with it. Duke can interact with objects in the environment for ego boosts that increase his health capacity. This includes smoking fatty boom-batty cigars, playing air hockey with a guy worthy of being arrested for sucking at the game, and tipping a stripper at a club. The latter is important, because if you don’t tip, you’re not very nice.
You came here for Duke Nukem, and you practically got handed everything! That’s a bargain that saves me a lot of money I can use for more sensible investments, like buying a McChicken from McDonald’s.
Speaking of Duke himself, I really thought the focus on character development was stellar. The creators took the time to take Duke’s character and do nothing. I can easily see the effort, so much so that I presume they barely had to move to accomplish such a feat. They’re just *that* talented.
Jon St. John returns to voice him again, of course, and does a great job with his highly diverse dialogue. He’s rough and ready to rumble with the aliens, spitting out one-liners around every corner. My favorite one was when Duke screamed “SH**!” after getting clotheslined by an alien’s projectile because profanity is funny.
In the end, “Duke Nukem Forever” was the hero that the gaming industry needed but didn’t deserve. It’s a shining example of how to refresh gameplay years after the genre became oversaturated. All the hate that it’s gotten appears to be the work of trolls and review-bombers, so try to ignore anyone warning you or calling you an idiot as you buy the game. Otherwise, you will miss out on this overlooked gem. Just remember before playing: safety first!
RATING:
but it deserves an extra star.
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(This article is an April Fools’ Day joke. The only fun thing about this game is the feeling of getting your money back from a refund).