Love is more encompassing than the context of romance; that we reserve love only for familial or romantic relationships is a disservice to ourselves as human beings.
I see love as a core aspect to the nature of our souls—if you believe in them—and of human beings. The love I am referring to is not romantic or sexual. Instead, it is a deeper form that encompasses a person’s entire being, solely based around a strong connection between two individuals’ souls.
Author Karen Casey stated this sentiment much more clearly: “Truly loving another means letting go of all expectations. It means full acceptance, even celebration of another’s personhood.”
For several years I struggled with my own concept of love. I was taught that I should be interested in boys and that I should expect to grow up and get married. I struggled for so long because I did not want this “ideal” life for myself, and I thought for that reason that something must be wrong with me.
What I have come to realize is that the love I feel for others is not confined to romance—but it’s not physical or sexual either.
I love human beings—their minds, their spirits, their language, their souls—and every aspect of their humanness. This love isn’t characterized by a crush or physical attraction. It isn’t love in the definitions we are accustomed to. But I find pure, human love to be much more gratifying than having a romantic or sexual attraction—two things that I simply do not experience.
Forming real, human connections with others is not necessarily the same as forming a romantic connection. For me, I do not see others as potential romantic or sexual conquests. I see them as fellow human beings that I want to experience and connect with on a higher level—learning from and about each other, offering our space and energy, just existing with one another. That, for me, I’ve realized, is enough and what I have always, perhaps atypically, felt toward others.
My frustration with the way we typically consider love is that life is so very short, and our concept of love oftentimes forbids us from sharing love with one another for fear that it will be misconstrued or misinterpreted by others.
That I cannot tell people in my life that I love them due to social norms and arbitrary fears is deeply saddening. The issue is that most people associate hearing “I love you” with romance or physical desire and attraction, even when that is not the case.
Love is not inherently physical, either. I am, as others likely are, quite capable of recognizing the beauty in a human being—the beauty of their soul, their mind, their actions, their words—without conflating it with their physical person.
None of this is to say that love cannot be accompanied by feelings of physical desire. It’s important to note, however, that physical, or sensual, desire is not inherently sexual or romantic.
Hugging others, for instance, is a way that I express my love for another person. There is no ulterior motive behind a hug for me; it is only to strengthen a connection, to allow for feelings of safety between two people. I find it so disheartening that so many of us go several days without hugging someone simply because we are afraid of how it may look to others.
Why do we automatically associate love with romantic and sexual desire? Why do we ignore the nature of each other’s souls and existences, only to instead minimize one another into mere physical and sexual beings?
Life is simply too short and too precious to demean one another in this way. We need more connecting moments—whether it be a hug, a quick chat, a kind gesture, or even an “I love you.” Ask people about their weekends; listen to their stories; tell them stories in return; check in on the people you love.
Kurt Vonnegut once said, “A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved.”
Once we retire these outdated and limiting definitions for love, we can instead start to truly witness and experience one another as human beings, in turn opening ourselves up to true soulful connections no longer tied down by the weight of public perception.